My body is a radical act.
Let me explain.
There is some nudity from yours truly in Abby and Tabby. There was no budget to hire a personal trainer or personal chef to make me look like an Avenger. No time to spend three hours a day at the gym. Just me and my fairly normal body.
I felt like I was breaking the rules by showing it.
We’ve been taught that 1. Women on screen need to look a certain way 2. Any nudity needs to be in the context of her relationship to a man and 3. She needs to be sexy.
Me getting naked in Abby and Tabby is none of these things. It is silly, has nothing to do with a man, and is very much not sexy.
It felt like the most rebellious and radical act I could do was to take off all my clothes and run through the desert. My body on display. “This is what a human being looks like!” It suddenly felt like a bigger cause, no longer a source of shame or embarrassment.
I also noticed something rather disturbing while mentally preparing for being naked on camera. And I think it’s something every woman deals with:
When I looked at my body, any part of it, it came with the label, “fat”.
So, I began re-training my mind. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I think, “leg” instead of “fat”. “Booty” instead of “fat”. “Tummy” instead of “fat”. My body had somehow started going by “fat” probably since I hit puberty. I wanted to take it back. Call it by it’s real name.
My on screen nudity became a practice in self love and acceptance. And guess what? What I saw in the camera was so much more beautiful than I ever gave my body credit.
This wasn’t about being sexy. It wasn’t about being romantic. Or about being an object. It was about a character embodying her most human and vulnerable form and somehow that seemed like a big deal.
You can follow Abby and Tabby on Seed&Spark for free here.