The past couple weeks, I have been proud of a lot of things. Successfully relocating to Los Angeles. Garnering press from three different newspapers. Updating my website and reel. And all of the little everyday things that go into being a self sufficient actress. But today I realized I am most proud of something a little more personal.
I’m most proud of the little voice that’s in my head that says, “You’re doing a great job, sweetie.”
Over the past five years or so I have cultivated this voice to talk me down, cheer me up, and keep me going. For most of my life there was another voice. One that said, “You’ll never be good enough.” “You’re not pretty enough.” “You can’t do this.” Granted, this voice is still there. I still hear it every day. But luckily I have a new voice in my head that says, “Ok, let’s take a break and eat something.” Or, “You’re having an anxiety attack, I need you to breathe.” And, “That was a really great audition, I’m proud of you.”
This new voice helps me navigate the negativity and rejection that is inherent in an artistic career. It also helps me fight and manage my clinical anxiety and depression. It has been a long and sometimes hard process to invent an eternally positive presence in my mind, but in tough moments, it’s made all of the difference.
If you are someone who has that negative voice always talking to you, I encourage you to find a kinder version. Especially in light of the passing of Robin Williams, which I am still processing, if you need a little help finding that voice I recommend enlisting the help of a therapist or doctor. Or in an emergency calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or 911.
I’m proud of my little voice. And you know what? She’s proud of you too.